Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
