I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
