Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
