you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
