I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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