i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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