If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
