I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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