I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize