you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
