he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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