I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
