these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize