I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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