Dual....:-)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
