I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
