in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
