My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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