My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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