Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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