u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
