Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
