Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
