redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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