Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize