Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
