There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
