true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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