i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
