my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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