I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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