I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
