I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My underwear smells like fireworks.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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