After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
