so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
