we have officially lost it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
