had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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