dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
