Can Purell be used as lube?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
