How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
