The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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