Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
