I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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