woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
