And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
