No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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