Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
