I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
