Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
