i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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