im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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