Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize