im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
