Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
