Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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