It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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