I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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