I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
