Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
