Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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