He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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