I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
