The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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