Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
