He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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