If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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