i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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