I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
