I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
